Congratulations America!

And by "America" I mean of course White Christian Male America.

You won!  Congratulations.  You got a winner!  You love your winners.  You'll take a winner no matter how he wins (in this case that is not a neutral "he".  It is a masculine "he".).  As long as he wins, you're a fan.  You got your man.

It's important that he is a man.  Only men can be winners, really.  Even if a woman wins at sports, you don't care.  It's only a woman who wins at sports.  Not a winner.  A winner is a man.

And a winner is a white man.  Sure, you have your "heroes" in the sports world who are not white.  Michael Jordan, say.  Tiger Woods.  And that's fine when they win at sports.  Everyone knows that black men are good at sports.  The GAMES are owned by white men anyway.  They hire those good black men to be good so the white men can be winners.

So congratulations, you got an American winner.  He's white (well, orange).  He's rich.  He's macho.  He's loud.  He's arrogant.  He is the epitome of the European term, "ugly American".  I think the only thing that would make him more your American winner is if he spoke in a Southern accent.

Now your winner isn't a fair player.  He's not above cheating.  He's not above lying.  He'll tell you what you want to hear, no matter how fanciful it is.  He lies more than anybody.  He's cheated on his wives, his business partners, his banks, his sub-contractors - Hell, he probably even cheated when playing games with his children (if in fact he ever did that - he doesn't strike me as an attentive father).  That doesn't matter.  You know what matters?  He wins.  He's a winner.

*** Pardon me for a sec.  Yeah, dear, I'm writing...go make me a sandwich...

Sorry about that.  You know who're not winners?  Brown people.  They're not winners.  How could they be?  They live in parts of town we don't go to.  You know why we don't go there?  There are brown people there.  Brown people are dangerous.  They just want to take what's mine.  It's mine because I'm a winner. Brown people are losers.  We must keep them away from us winners.

You know who are winners?  Christians.  White Christians.  In white Christian churches led by white Christian men.  Only men.  Only white men.  Like Jesus.  He was a winner.  He was a white man who led his church.  Don't believe me?  Check out all those pictures of him painted by white men.  He's white.  I see it on my church wall every time I go in.

So we Christians like to back a winner.  And we got one.  Sure he's been married 3 times.  Sure he's committed adultery.  Sure he lies, cheats.  Sure he is a rich man - he may be big but he sure did fit through the eye of that needle with all his camels.  Why?  Because he's a winner.  Winners can sin - God loves winners even if they behave badly.  Heck, how could he be rich if God didn't love him?

God loves winners.

So we got ourselves a winner.  Now we can work to make sure we only have winners from now on.  We'll deport the brown people.  Then we'll surround all those "terrorists" with fences so they can't get out of their neighborhood.  Then we'll close the door behind us so "they" won't get in.  Not in our country.  Only winners here.

To be fair, winners need their lawns tended and their house cleaned.  We'll have to keep some brown people around for that.  That'll keep the brown people happy.  So we can go on being winners.  And we'll have our women to cook for us and raise our children.  Someone has to.  Winners have to be winning.  We don't have time for trivialities like kids.

Yeah, we got a winner.  Can't wait to go win out in the world.  We'll show them who's a winner.

Yup.  America won.  Thanks, America.

London - Because We Could

One of the advantages of Michelle becoming a flight attendant is that we can fly - anywhere - just because.  So Michelle found herself with a few days off and I had some time to take so we decided that we needed to go big or stay home.  We first thought of Dusseldorf, but then figured why not London?  We hadn't ever been to Europe and London seemed like a good place to ease into it.

First thing.  We booked our trip.  Since we were flying "non-rev" we needed to go when there were empty seats (we have to fly standby).  So we chose a Thursday, figuring families wouldn't be on a plane except on weekends and business travelers would wait until Friday.  And since we had a flight with empty seats we figured why not go first class?  Because we could.

So we got to the airport (on time despite some anxiety about not leaving home in time) and ran our passports through the self-check-in.  Michelle got to go through security in the "fast lane", but mine came up "TSA Cleared".  That meant I went through a separate line with only 3 people in front of me and no full body scanner.  I didn't even take off my shoes.  So I was in quickly and waited the few minutes for Michelle to negotiate the shoes, the laptop, the luggage (we carried on), the full-body scanner, and the reassembly of the same.  She was annoyed when she came out.  See, she normally gets to park in the airport and take a shuttle skipping TSA altogether.  She didn't like being treated like us normal people.  Of course, I was standing there above it all because inexplicably I was "TSA Cleared".

Anyway, we got our first class seats.  We were on the 777 so we had individual compartments.  The amenities were amazing.  We got slippers, socks, pajamas, blanket, 2 pillows, Bose headphones, some minor toilet items (lotions and such), fold-flat seat (for sleeping), large table for dinner (and breakfast).  Michelle could even come over and sit with me across my table - it was big enough for 2.  Here's what we looked like.  You just know that we were pretty obviously new to the whole first class thing:

Plenty of leg room

The seats swiveled

Enjoying some music and some wine

This was just the appetizer

Michelle enjoying some music and wine.

Yeah, we liked First Class.  It also allowed us to get in the "special" line at Customs at Heathrow.  So that went quickly.  We had left Chicago at 6pm and were in London at 8:30am so we were tired.  The other amenity we had was that we could go into the Arrival Lounge - well at least that's what we thought.  The Arrival Lounge had showers, breakfast, coffee.  We were totally ready for that.  However, comma, not for Non-rev'ers.  So we were politely told we didn't qualify and we left to search for the first 2 things we needed in London.  Money and transportation.

Money was amazingly easy.  Went up to an ATM machine, guessed how many pounds made $500 (our max withdrawal), and collect the 20's.  Worked pretty easy and we were quickly on our way with a pocket-full of queenly money.  Next, the Tube.  The hotel we were staying at was right off a Tube stop so we thought we'd save the dough and take it.  We walked a loooooooonnnngggg way to the station, negotiated the teller to get our pass with some money on it, and got on a train.  It was a long trip.  And we had all our luggage to drag along.  It was made more fun because there was a couple there visiting their son and he was regaling them with stories of London and where he lived and how he lived and stuff.  We got a bit of an education.

So we got off the tube right by the British Museum and walked down a corridor, then up a few steps, then up an escalator, then down a corridor, then to the single longest escalator I'd ever seen.  I don't know how many stories we were below the surface, but this was HUGE.  Got up, got out, walked the 2 blocks or so to the hotel, checked in, went to the room...which was the size of the bed + about a foot.  And it was a double bed.  Well, Michelle wisely figured this wouldn't work very well for my tall frame and she went down and negotiated a bigger room, with a bigger bed.  It was actually pretty nice.  So nice that we took a nap.

A friend of mine is a bass player in England and was doing a house concert that night in a suburb of London.  We wanted to go, but since we had just gotten there and didn't know the lay of the land and didn't have enough sleep and didn't want to take 3 trains, a bus, and a ride to get there (exaggeration), we opted out.  I regret we didn't get to go, as it would have been nice to meet some people who could show us a thing or two (and feed us good food).

Anyway, we got up from our nap, talked to the Concierge to figure out what to do, and made our way to the Thames - a 20 minute walk.  We walked across the bridge and just looked at stuff.  We walked along the Thames for awhile and then went inland for a block or 2.  Found a nice park, an interesting looking hotel (and pub), and a taste of what streets of London are like.  Here are pix:

Lots of new construction in London - and modern buildings

See The Eye in the distance?  And what's that?  A pub?

"I'm leanin' on a lamp, on the corner of the street"

Nice garden area next to some town homes.  I can only guess how much they cost.

 Nice street just off the river

Nice picture by Michelle.  Something about a bike on a balcony.

 Michelle found this interesting for some reason

That's Parliament and Big Ben way off in the distance

By this time we were tired and hungry so we thought we'd go back toward the hotel to find a place to eat.  We were close to Covent Gardens and the Concierge told us that was where there were nice places to eat, so we went there.  We must have looked at every pub in the place, but none of them seemed to have a place to sit.  Frustrated, we walked back toward our hotel and on a whim went past and tried 2 more pubs.  The very last place had a couple seats so sit we did.  And ordered an ale or 2.  And I must say, I love beer in London.  We only bought the cask beers, which had to be pumped because they were not in pressurized kegs.  We both had an ale first, which was yummy.  Unfortunately they weren't serving food at that time so I went back to a Pret a Manger and grabbed a sandwich.  And we got some "crisps" from the bar (in Americanese, these are called potato chips).  Next I had a Guinness.  It was transformative.  Just heavenly.  I'll never have one in the US again.  Got to get it there.  It is just so so much better.  Here are some pub pictures:

Every pub looked like this - with a big crowd out front drinking and smoking, both because you couldn't smoke inside and because there was no room.

Here I'm trying to negotiate the money.  It takes awhile to get used to the denominations.

This is our first try at a picture of me enjoying a Guinness.  Note that ARF - Asshole Resting Face.  I don't notice it until I see it in a picture.  

This is how I really felt about that Guinness...

So with a couple of beers in us and almost no food, we headed back to the hotel to crash.  An aside about the Pret a Manger.  If you haven't seen these, they are fast-food restaurants that make fresh, organic food items on site, wrap them and put them in coolers.  You grab what you want and then pay for it at the counter.  Why is this interesting?  Recently we happened upon one in Chicago on Michigan Av.  First one we'd ever seen.  We liked it.  It was perfect for a quick bite during a sightseeing walk.  Well, in London, they were EVERYWHERE.  You could literally be standing in front of one and see another within 2 blocks.  EVERYWHERE.  We must have walked past 30 of them in our wanderings.  

Anyway, the next day Michelle was sleeping in (and I mean sleeping in) so I went out on my own to see what was what.  I went back to Covent Gardens to see what the fuss was about.  It was a nice shopping district that led into the theater district.  I had a nice walk about, including Chinatown and figured it would be a good place for Michelle to see.  So when we were all up and about we walked back through.  For those familiar with it, it was like Michigan Av in Chicago.  Lots of upscale shops alongside a variety of restaurants (well Pret a Manger and others).  We stopped at another pub for lunch and had horrible food but good beer.  The Rugby World Cup was taking place so I had a chance to talk to some locals about sports in general.  The NFL was having a game on Sunday so American Football was part of the discussion.  Pix of Covent Gardens and Piccadilly Circus:

Chinatown

I don't know.  A street scene.

Another street scene.  Apparently I didn't get a picture of all those stores I talked about

Wait, here are all those stores.  And people.  And look on the right!  That's a Pret a Manger (the star logo)! 

So we ended up walking down Bond Street (where all the diamonds are) and found ourselves near Buckingham Palace.  We were kind of on the back side of the main street that goes past it, but there was a cool castle-like building there.  Then we walked past some townhomes that overlooked Green Park.  A quick walk over and we were on The Mall with wide sidewalks and a wide street that went around the circle around Buckingham Palace.  While we were going to the crosswalk to go over to the Palace, a Palace guard crossed the street in front of us.  Some of the people were able to take a picture with him.  Anyway, we got to the fence in front, saw the Palace Guards, the balcony where the king gave his speeches, and Queen Victoria's statue.  Lots and lots of tourists of all colors, nationalities, and sizes.  

That castle-like building

The front door.

The back of those townhomes on Green Park

The Mall

Queen Victoria Statue

I didn't have them pose for me, but it looks like I did.  That's the gate to Green Park

They're not just armed with swords anymore

Don't know if the Queen was home.

Looking opposite. There's The Eye.

From there we walked along Princess Diana's walk through St. James's Park.  We went as far as Downing Street and the Horse Guard's parade ground.  Then we walked up by Nelson's Column, Trafalgar Square where they just finished up an NFL rally and up to Leicester Square - sort of like Broadway in New York.  Lots of theaters.  We didn't want to spend big money on theater tickets so we spent big money on movie tickets to see Captain Phillips.  We really just wanted to sit down.  We bought tix and had time to find food, so we went to a nearby restaurant that seemed to sell English food.  Michelle had the fish and chips.  I had the bangers and mash.  Michelle's was OK.  Mine was dreadful.  Picture this.  A soft sausage that coils around itself with pinched ends, on a bed of mashed potatoes with brown gravy.  It looked and tasted like it.....ugh!  Anyway, we saw the movie, enjoyed it, dashed to get away from the madding crowd at Leicester Sq and went back to the hotel...but, well, since we were out anyway, we went to another pub.  Really good beer (again), nice people, and got to talk to a guy from Australia who worked in an English Pub and was a fan of the Miami Dolphins.  I really like pubs.  Well, for people and beer, but not for food.

Lovely St. James's Park

Lovely Michelle in St. James's Park

Then there's this guy.

That's the Horse Guard building

The Horse Guard Parade ground.  Downing St. is to the right of this picture.

Admiralty Arch?

Waving goodbye to the Queen

So the next day I had some time on my hands again as Michelle was still adjusting to the time.  So I went to the British Museum, which was only a couple blocks away.  They have the actual Rosetta Stone and that's the place all the Mummy movies started.  It's essentially all the great stuff the British took from other lands when they owned most of the known world.  Egypt, Greece, Rome, Mesopotamia, Africa, some America (mostly south and north of us), Australia, New Zealand, China.  They had stuff from everywhere.  So I took a look, then met Michelle, and then we went back to the Thames to do a river tour and possibly go on The Eye.  We did do a river tour, but we DIDN'T go on The Eye.  Huge line, long wait.  We did the river tour, saw the sights (see pictures) and had lunch at one of the museum restaurants (wasn't too bad) and headed across the river to Parliament and Big Ben.  From there we went around the back of Westminster Abbey, saw the Home Office (yes, it's a place), and walked around the front and back-sides of Westminster.  An incredible building.  Older than the USA.  Tired, we decided to take the Tube to St Paul's Cathedral, another incredible building older than the USA.  We couldn't go into the sanctuary at Westminster, but we could at St Paul's.  It was Sunday and they happened to have a organ recital that started about 20 minutes from when we arrived.  The guy was playing an organ that was, well, older than the United States.  Very cool.  Then we took the bus home.  I wasn't tired yet so I went to, yes the pub.  Then another.  Then stopped off at the hotel bar for a nightcap.  

Big Ben

Big Ben and Parliament from the area of the Eye

The Eye

On the boat

Parliament

Funkadelic - no that isn't right.  Parliament.  Red awnings is ruling party, green is opposition.

The Eye from the river

Jubilee Bridge

The Globe Theater, restored

They got some newfangle architecture there

The Shard

Sir Francis Drake's pirate ship.  His booty from (mostly) Spanish ships paid off their national debt

A war museum in an old WWII cruiser

The Hand Grenade, or Pineapple if you prefer

The Tower Bridge

I thought it amusing to see the River Queen on the Thames

The Tower of London

More Tower

Even more Tower with new construction behind

And even more Tower

The new building being constructed is the one that is burning cars (it reflects sun intensely down)

There's a tower of something back there

The Millennium Bridge.  Was apparently a hazard to walk on when first built.  Swayed dangerously.  The dome in the background is St Paul's Cathedral.

Michelle liked the crest.   And that's St Paul's behind.

More St Paul's

They replaced the RR bridge but left the old abutments.  Apparently removing them would make this bridge and the one next to it unstable.

Something old and attractive

Selfie with "Ben"

Michelle in her Matrix pose

The Home Office

Parliament and Big Ben

Locks on the bridge.  I don't know.  It's apparently a "thing".

The back of Westminster

A statue of someone behind Parliament.

Parliament building details.

More detail.

Good street scene

Front of Westminster Abbey

Different angle

Sitting at the door of a residence at Westminster.

A street scene in residence part of Westminster

Inside.  Along these halls many famous Britishers are buried.

Looking at it from the side.  Cantilevered construction well displayed.

Beautiful stained glass, beautiful green, beautiful woman.

Looking into another residential area and green that is gated off.

Westminster from yet another angle.

Narrow street near St Paul's Cathedral

That's it right there!

Tim's turn to pose in the classic phone booth.  

Some detail at St Paul's.  It was huge!

OK so we had 1 more day and decided we'd go over to Harrod's -  because why not?  And we did.  The bus over there went past what I assume are huge dollar homes and hotels.  Harrod's is near Hyde Park and there are homes that overlook the park.  Harrod's was what you'd expect in a large city department store.  In New York, that's probably Macy's or Bloomingdale's.  In Chicago that was Marshall Fields at one time.  Now that store is a Macy's and isn't nearly the same - but I digress.  It was large, full of items we couldn't, or didn't want to afford.  We went up the Egyptian escalators, which we got some pictures of.  And there was a whole pet section where you could buy overpriced pet supplies, overpriced pets, and have your pets groomed in overpriced salons.  Left there and walked through Hyde Park.  Well, it was more of a trudge because we were very tired.  We found our bus and headed back to the hotel.  I think we may have stopped once more at a pub, because, well....

Egyptian Escalator at the top

The ceiling of the Egyption Escalator in Harrod's.

Obscenely priced residences near Harrod's and Hyde Park.

Hyde Park at dusk

Sunset over The Serpentine in Hyde Park

Tim in Harrod's Pet Kingdom.

Crowds.  There were always crowds around the Tube stations.

Finally, before we left for home we went to the British Museum.  Got a couple of pictures.  First one of the Egyptian Pharaoh statues, and the second of the actual Rosetta Stone.  History lesson.  The Rosetta Stone had it's message written 3 times.  Once in hieroglyphics, once in the Egyptian written language of the time, and once in Greek.  It was found by Europeans who first didn't know what they had.  I believe the thing said that Napoleon's army used it to build some encampment.  When the British defeated France, they found it and one of their historians figured out what they had.  So, they learned how to read hieroglyphics.  Isn't that amazing...By the way, all of the museums were free, which was a nice bonus since we were paying about $7US for beer.

A Pharoah.

The Rosetta Stone

The British Museum

OK, now we were off.  Just a couple brief observations about Heathrow.  First, it appears to be the center of the world.  There were people going EVERYWHERE from there.  If you needed to get anywhere in the world, Heathrow would be a great place to start.  Second, there was a huge Duty-Free mall there.  And people were buying it up.  But I thought it was all very expensive and didn't see any savings anywhere.  I did enjoy some nice liquor samples, tho.  There was an aged Chivas Regal that was quite nice.

Watches?  Perfume?  Liquor?  Cigarettes?  Cuban cigars?  We had leftover money so we had to buy something.  Unfortunately we only had about 3 pounds so no new Rolex for me.

Hard to read this, but there are not many places planes aren't going to.

No, we didn't fly first class home.  The Queen exacted a heavy tax even on non-rev'ers like us so we went cheap and flew coach.  Still, we got the extra legroom part of coach and had movies and meals so it wasn't bad at all.

When I go back, I need to make sure I hook up with people I know there so we can see something other than tourist places and eat some food that is edible.  And I'd like to get out into England proper to see more than just the big city.  I do know someone in Birmingham.  Next time.  Unless we go to Paris.  Or Frankfort.  Or Amsterdam.  Or Shanghai.  

Because we can....