wow

I've been trying to figure out how I feel all day. There's happiness. Satisfaction that "my" candidate won. The hope that comes from getting out of the "Dark Ages" of Bush. I have all of those. But I'd have all of those if Hillary had ran and won. Or Al Gore. Or John Kerry. Or any Democrat who took the White House away from the criminals now in charge.

This is so much more than that. First of all, I've been in love (in a non-gay, manly way) with Barack Obama since I saw him deliver his speech at the Democratic Convention 4 years ago . He is an amazing speaker. He is articulate, intelligent, inspirational. He seems to get what people are going through (perhaps those days as community organizer came to good use). I listen to him and I believe him. I believe IN him.

I didn't watch the debates. I hate listening to politicians give their talking points. But I had a friend who was invited to the one in Nashville and I tuned in here and there to see if I could see her on TV (I didn't). At the end of the debate I left it on and just watched the "action" while the talking heads analyzed what happened. I saw Obama and McCain greet each other. Then I saw something remarkable. McCain was nowhere to be seen, but there was Barack Obama going to each one of the citizens that made up the panel, talking, smiling and shaking hands. Michelle was there, too. She was engaged in long conversations with people. Barack was talking to people, laughing, having pictures taken with them. Each one. He worked the room. I found out from that friend who was there that she got to meet him, too. And Michelle. Even had a conversation with Michelle. He took the time to meet with people who may or may not vote for him. Who may have been Democrats or Republicans. And they all - to a person - reacted positively to it. (and where was McCain? darted out immediately after the debate).

So I have this huge feeling of admiration and respect for the man. I think back on all of the presidential candidates I voted for. In 1976 I thought Jimmy Carter was pretty good. But I voted for John Anderson in 1980. Mondale? Please! Dukakis? I definitely voted for Clinton and I appreciated many of the things he did for the country. But there was always that dirty underbelly with him. And then when he pointed the finger at the camera and lied about his sordid affair, well, I couldn't really respect him. Of all the Republican presidents, well I hated Reagan - thought at the time that he was the worst president ever. (I was soooo wrong) I didn't care for Bush the First and never supported Gulf War One. He was slightly better than Reagan. And then there is Bush the Second and his Gulf War Two. (don't get me started)

My point is that I didn't really respect any of these guys. None were inspirational. I couldn't really get excited about them. I voted for them because they weren't Republicans. I do greatly admire Jimmy Carter for his work since the presidency. THAT has been inspirational. He has set the model for all to follow (none have).

But Barack Obama I respect and I am always truly inspired by him. It is an unbelievable joy to have him as a president. Imagine. A President of the United States that I can respect. I'm floored. Stunned. It makes me proud of this country again. I went to the polls yesterday morning and there was a buzz. People waiting in line laughing and talking. They were taking pure pleasure in the act of voting. I live in McHenry County so I'm sure that most of them were voting AGAINST Barack. Still, even the mere act of voting was inspirational. I'm glad I waited until election day to vote. It made it an event.

Then there is that other thing. Just a minor detail, really. Don't know if anyone else noticed. Yeah, Barack is black. OK, so he's 1/2 black. But here in this country, that is black. I just can't quite get my head around that yet. I have lived 51 years. We elected a black man president. Let me savor that in my brain once more. We elected a black man as President of the United States. A majority of voters voted for him. He won on the coasts. He won in the West. He won in some former Confederate states - slave states. He won in Chicago, one of the most deeply divided cities in the US. He won in Boston. In New York. (just to be clear, the South did not have a monopoly on racism - Martin Luther King said he never saw hatred like he did in Chicago). As Juan Williams said Tuesday night on Fox News, this is more than just a page in history. This is the front cover of history books.

A small bit of Tim history. I grew up in the country outside Decatur, IL in the 60's and 70's. I went to all-white rural schools. Farmers and working class whites lived around me. I went to school with their kids. I saw black people when I went into town. My church was in a black neighborhood. My step-father worked with blacks. But I had no direct interaction. There was most certainly prejudice around me, in the people I knew and interacted with. I heard the n-word and other words like that describing blacks. I think mostly that I felt fear when I had any limited interaction with black people.

Then I went to college. And I met a few. I still remember the big football lineman, Stan Ralph, who I became pretty good friends with. Blacks, while kind of exotic to me still, seemed kinda like me. They wanted to get good grades. Get the chicks. Drink. Get a good job. Have a car.

My first job was with Social Security at 63rd and Cottage Grove on the South Side of Chicago. Deep in the South Side. Most of the people in the office were black. Nearly ALL of the people coming into the office were black. And then I discovered something. There was no difference. People are people. I became friends with many. I married one.

Being a white man married to a black woman gave me a look into that world. I have said before that I used to call this my "black period". I have since learned that it wasn't even close. I can never understand what it means to be a black man in America. Anyway, I had black friends and hung out in black circles and had a black woman as a wife. We had a son. A black son.

I was a jackass and left her when Brent was a baby. I was involved in his life, but not like I would have been. And he grew up black. And as he grew up he started to understand what it meant to be black in America. Because America hated black men, or were afraid of them, and they didn't give them a fair shake. I can't argue with that. I have no experience. I am a privileged white man in the suburbs.

And I think in many ways the trouble Brent got himself into was through that lens of what he expected from people because he was a black man. He basically took that path. I'm not sure he knew he could have followed another one. Perhaps on the surface he did. But did he deep down?

But now. Now we have a black president. Now, somehow, we have a black man who got a fair shake. He dared to aspire and he pushed the limits that have been imposed in the past. And he broke through them. He got elected in America. I don't care what political spectrum you fall in, you have to admit how remarkable that is. How truly unbelievable it is. I seriously didn't think it was possible. Not ever.

And now Brent can aspire to great things. Because being black doesn't stop you. The opportunity is clear. There is one gigantic symbol of that opportunity. This isn't a TV show. This is real. This is America today. Led by a black man. And other black men - and women - can follow. Can aspire. Can succeed. It gives hope to all.

And I think that's it in a nutshell. Hope. For those who felt there was no hope, there is hope. For those who have been enslaved and oppressed and hated and feared and pushed down to the bottom of society, there's hope. And if they have hope, there is hope in the world.

We have lived 8 years without hope. We have lived through 8 years of fear. 8 years of battle. 8 years of anger. 8 long, dark, cynical years. And now, through a dark man, we have hope.

Even if he fails, we had this. I'll always have Grant Park. I can always hope.

Thank you Barack. Thank you America.